I see how it is. Rihanna can wear a shiny, completely transparent dress in public and everyone loves it, but when I did it, I was “wasting saran wrap” and “ruining Easter, Daniel.”
i killed a man
photo courtesy of koodalinee
That’s a sticky situation you seem to find yourself in, friend.
DAMNIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING CONFESSING TO YOUR CRIME ON THE INTERNET?!
Here’s what you need to do.
Wash the knife in bleach and throw it in a sewer grate across town or a large local body of water.
Smash the teeth out of the head and collect them all, then grind the teeth into dust (IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION THAN WHERE YOU STAY) and dispose of them.
Cut off the fingers and strip the flesh from the bone. Feed the flesh to an animal or go all Hannibal on it and consume it yourself.
Now comes the tricky part.
You’re going to want to get a hold of a ridiculous amount of saran wrap, a large plastic sheet, some garbage bags, a power tool that can dismember a body (pay in cash and buy it from a store outside of your city/town), a change of clothes, and a metric fuck-ton of cleaning supplies.
Got it all? Good.
Roll the body on top of the plastic sheet and dismember it. (You’re going to want to do this in a fairly clear, easy to clean area), blood will spurt out of that body insanely so you better have a good stomach.
After you’ve got all the pieces nice and transportable, wrap them up in the saran wrap and stuff them in the garbage bags along with the clothes you were wearing when you murdered the victim and dismembered them.
Now, drive to the nearest auto salvage yard and throw the body and the clothes you’re wearing) in the trunk on top of a spare tire or any nearby one you can find, throw a heavy fuelant on top (either a hefty amount of gasoline or some napalm [gasoline mixed evenly with cat litter or orange juice concentrate]). Punch out a tail light, ignite the body, close the trunk, and get home.
Clean so much.
Scrub until you can’t anymore and then fucking do it more. If you think you’re being too careful, you’re not.
Finally find a GROUP of friends (people who understand your murderous tendencies), and form a solid alibi and stick to it…
Oh, and delete your tumblr.
I killed a blueberry
they are either a writer or a murderer
PLEASE READ AND REBLOG!!!!!
Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr’s office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.
This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage.
If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won’t stick around. After a few seconds, all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.